That's what I thought

I was working in Cambodia for an NGO. My superior was a young, easy-going Khmer man with whom I had a great relationship. One day, I went to check some information with him, and when I received the answer I expected, I said "Ok, that's what I thought."

For me, this was an expression to show that I had thought about the question myself but out of caution wanted to confirm my response, and that I was in agreement with his decision. However, he took the "Ok, that's what I thought" to mean something like "I already knew that, your contribution is worthless." Moreover, another Khmer coworker present confirmed that she'd have taken the same meaning from it as my boss did.

I appreciated my Khmer coworkers for having the courage to explain to me something that I was doing to make them uncomfortable. They were generally pretty easygoing regarding cultural differences between the team members of different nationalities, so I believe this was something that was particularly important to them, as it motivated them to speak up.

S.B. (female), United States

"Your Internet or your life!" - Or how to shock the Balinese

"In my 1.5 weeks since moving to Bali it had been one of the worst days yet, and I STILL didn't have internet. Getting anything done in Bali often requires transporting a large distance with no guarantee that, when you get to your destination, you're actually going to get the thing done that you needed to get done.

I had already tried to get my beloved internet connection from Smart Fren two days prior, but they had decided to close early (happy thoughts, happy thoughts). Finding this out after driving 45 minutes from Nusa Dua to Sunset road in heavy traffic made it all the more "sweet". So, two days later, I decided to nail 4 birds with one stone with a big errand day. This would involve driving to all ends of the South side of the island, and I thought myself very clever for having such a plan.

Needless to say, about 2 out of three of these errands so far proved to be frustratingly fruitless, but at LEAST I could still head over to Smart Fren and close out the day by collecting my beloved internet connection. As I headed over I thought of the lovely time I would spend alone in my home, huddled in the glow of Facebook, Google, YouTube, and... well you can use your imagination. I wouldn't have to do anything for days! You call it an addiction, so be it! This would be exactly what I needed to finally ease into my home and into this new culture.

I walked into the store with a 20 kilo backpack full of the days' groceries and findings, and I plopped it on the floor and readied myself for that lovely little stick.

"Halo! I am looking for modem!"
The cunning Smart Fren female clerk replied, "Sari, Pa, no activation today".

No activation today.

Suddenly a rush of despair, defeat, and disgust came over me. My arms went limp, I made the SLIGHTEST "ugh" expression, and my motor key, hanging from my wrist, made a sound SLIGHTLY louder than a tap when it hit the glass table top. This is all it took for the clerk to GASP and jump up in her seat as if I were sticking a gun at her, demanding she empty out her pockets. I can't tell if this was her genuinely reacting to the incident, or if she was being dramatic in order to deal with another impatient foreigner, but at first glance it appeared that Indonesians might have an ultra sensitivity to the vibe in the room. I was being a whiny child.

Needless to say, I was immediately aware of my change in attitude, and I handled the rest of the interaction in a more gentile fashion. She promised me that she would call me when I was able to sign up for the service, and she also gave me a number to text just in case she forgot to call. I lopped the 20k monster on my back and left without victory.

Should one have a reason to be upset in matters like this? Do we, as humans, have the right to the services a situations we expect? Is it "their" fault when things don't go quite the way we're used to? I don't know, I'm trying to figure that out. In the meantime I'm looking close into a possibility that there's a way to move through this life without having our great expectations be so great. Bali is a wonderful place to practice for this goal in mind, but how far should we take it? Should we damn efficiency and progress? No. We need to find a balance.

And what of my internet? When the lovely clerk never called me to tell me to sign up and didn't return my texts, I decided to put this balance into practice. There's nothing wrong in giving support to the system that you prefer, and shunning the system that you don't, but we can do it calmly.

I am now a proud user of the internet service provider "3". Capitalism at work!"

Jordan (male), United States

"Have you eaten?"

"When I first moved to Singapore I met a woman in the lobby of my apartment block who was naturally curious about a foreigner living near her so she genuinely tried to be friendly to me. Part way through the conversation she asked me if I'd eaten yet and I got scared that she was going to invite me over for lunch and start introducing me to her family etc. So I made up all sorts of excuses that I'd eaten, what I'd eaten and where. For the next few weeks I tried my best to avoid her every time I saw her.

Only later, I realised that the question "have you eaten?" is just the Singapore way of asking "how are you?" just like the British talk about the weather as a conversation starter. It turns out to be a completely harmless question."

Mark (male), United Kingdom

"Hi, nice to meet you. Do you believe in God?"

"When I visited Tallinn, Estonia, some years back my boyfriend and I stayed with a local host family: an Estonian man, his Russian wife and their son. The first time I met my host "mother", she seemed friendly, but we had barely said 'hello' and 'nice to meet you' when she asked: 'Do you believe in God?' I was taken aback by her questioning. I don't believe in God, but because I didn't know why she was asking, I didn't dare to say so and just muttered something vague, feeling very uncomfortable. Questions were racing through my head: Why did she want to know? Was she deeply religious and only wanted equally religious guests in her house? Was she worried about what was going to happen under her roof if she let my boyfriend and me share a room?

Years later I read online that asking about one's beliefs or religion is very common in Russia when meeting new people. It's considered a bit like small talk: a topic to get the conversation going so you can get to know someone better. In Sweden, we're the opposite: we tend to avoid topics like religion or politics with people unless we know them well."

A.L. (female), Sweden

Rude gestures in Tunisia (example)

"Last summer I went to Tunisia with my fellow University students to study Arabic. Being typical Italians, we often communicated with gestures and body language. For example, to say 'it's time to go' after a meal in the student cafeteria, we would use either a verbal idiom (tagliamo la corda, let's cut the rope) or a gesture that indicates the same thing: the left hand, held out vertically, represents the rope and the right hand, held flat, hits it sideways like a knife. After a few times we noticed that the Tunisian students in the cafeteria were looking at us strangely, as though they were amazed that we were declaring so openly what we were about to do. Only at the end of our stay did we discover that the gesture just described means 'let's make love'."
(reported by Italian female student)
http://www.worldenough.net/picture/English/tn/400_sortedout.htm

Confusing gestures in Bulgaria (example)

"I went for a haircut in Bulgaria. The lady who gave me the haircut did not speak a single word in any of the languages I knew. Even “yes” and “no” in English was beyond her, which meant that I ran into the perennial problem in that country: Bulgarians shake their heads when they mean “yes” and Nod when they mean “no”. This had hilarious consequences. When she offered to also cut my eyebrows by holding the scissors in front of them and looking at me with a questioning expression in the mirror, I said “Yes, please”, nodding my head, which resulted in her putting the scissors away. Something similar happened when we tried to negotiation the size of my whiskers and whether or not she should cut my nose hair or put perfume in my hair. We both saw the humour of the situation, and finally came to a perfect understanding: if I said “ok” with thumbs up, that meant “yes”, whatever the movement of the head. If I waved my arms in front of me, saying “not ok”, it meant “no”. Because I had enjoyed the whole “communicative” situation so much, I left a large tip, which made the lady grab my hand and press a kiss on it. Curious country, Bulgaria…"
(reported by Dutch man)
http://www.worldenough.net/picture/English/tn/400_sortedout.htm

Wearing shoes indoors in Italy and Austria (example)

"About six years ago my secondary school organized a student exchange with a secondary school in Salzburg, Austria. So for two weeks my family and I had, in our home here in Rome, a nice Austrian girl who was thinking of studying Italian and who would be inviting me to her home the following month. I said a "nice" girl -- except for one thing. When she entered the house, she immediately took off her shoes and walked from room to room in her socks as though it were the most natural thing in the world. Now, as anyone knows (well, anyone born and raised in Italy), socks stink. Even if they are washed and perfumed every day, at the end of the next day they stink. It's normal. It's human. If you walk through the house in your socks you simply spread germs and odors around. Common sense will tell you that! Well, common sense here in Italy. My mother did everything she could to explain to our guest these very simple things. But our guest didn't speak Italian yet and these ideas did not seem readily understandable to her. My mother bought her slippers, for which she showed great gratitude by putting them and their gift wrapping in her suitcase to take home. And she continued to wander though the house in her smelly socks. When I went to stay with her family in Salzburg I forgot the slippers incident and entered the home with my shoes on and walked about everywhere, just as I do in Rome. Suddenly I noticed that the family was looking at me in a strange way. For them it was worse to bring into the house, on the soles of my shoes, the dirt and germs I might have picked up outside, than to walk around the house in my socks, spreading my personal dirt and germs around."
(reported by Italian male student)
http://www.worldenough.net/picture/English/tn/400_sortedout.htm